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The Anti-Literary Glossary Concludes

Thank you to all of you who have stayed with me this week when the normally intellectual blog has descended into weirdness all because I didn't want to review a craft book. The nine alum of Vermont College's MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults Program decided to take a break this summer and review craft books instead of writing about craft ourselves.

 

But I am not in a reviewing craft book mood and I broke all the rules and made this up instead. (I expect to get voted off the Island soon) or perhaps eaten by a smoke monster like in the TV show LOST:

Anyway, here is my last (YAY!) installment of the GLOSSARY OF IMPORTANT LITERARY TERMS, WHICH I WOULD FIND IN A CRAFT BOOK IF I COULD BRING MYSELF TO READ ONE AGAIN, WHICH I CAN NOT SO NO TRYING TO FORCE ME I AM NO LONGER IN A MFA PROGRAM SO JUST STOP IT RIGHT NOW. IT’S MY OWN LIFE DARN IT.


V

Vendettas

A lot of writers try to create a little drama in their own dull lives by creating vendettas. Usually these vendettas are a result of disagreements with other writers. Some of these disagreements are over terribly important literary and intellectual discussions such as the:

    Unicorns vs. zombie smackdown

    Is Xanadu the worse musical ever debacle

    Who would win in a fight batman or Edward Cullen from the Twilight series

 

Sometimes, unfortunately, the discussions get too much and vendettas occur:

 

Printz winner Guy: Unicorns are way better than zombies. Zombies can’t prance.

Other person: Exactly! Who wants something that can prance and only hang out with virgins?

Printz Winner Guy: Unicorns are cool.

Other Person: Nuh-uh

Printz Winner Guy: They get to hang out with rainbows.

Other Person: Exactly…. (wink)

Printz Winner Guy: Okay. That’s it. I’m going to go all vendetta on your zombie loving bleep.

And so it continues....

 


Or take this one:

 

Me: Xanadu is lame.

Author Mark Henry: Xandu is the ultimate awesomeness. It has muses coming out of frescos.

Me: Xanadu is double lame.

Author Cynthia Leitich Smith: Xanadu is amazing. I dance in the dark to the soundtrack. ALL. THE. TIME!

Me: How can you dance to that? Do you just twirl in a circle? Xanadu is triple lame.

Author Tiffany Trent: Do not go there, Carrie. Do not go there. ELO is amazing. Olivia Newton John is amazing. The muses jump out of frescos and have blue auras!!!! It can’t get better than that.

Me: Blue auras are not as cool as purple auras or pink auras.

Author Steve Wedel: If you don’t admit that Xanadu is amazing and Olivia Newton John is hawt jumping out of that fresco I might have to take you down.

Me: Yeah. I’d like to see you try it.

And so another vendetta is born.

 

On a positive side, vendettas can create controversy and page clicks on the Internet. This can result in higher book sales.

On a negative side, vendettas  (also known as blood feuds) can hurt especially when they actually involve blood.

 

W

Writing

 

What writers have to do to make a product.

Blech. Let’s not talk about that. This is a literary glossary after all.

 

X

Xanthippe

 

If you don’t know a xanthippe is a woman who is ill-tempered.

Writers are often xanthippes. This is because publishing is a hard occupation and staring at a computer screen, praying that your book sales might get higher than 5 often causes negative feelings.

Just sayin’ Not like it’s happening to me or anything. What? WHAT! You think I’m ill-tempered. I don’t suppose you want to start a vendetta or anything.

 


Xebec

 

Little pirate ship with three masts.

If there is a xebec in your story you are probably writing a romance or a children’s book or a Disney script or all three. Either way make sure that one of the characters looks like Johnny Depp, okay?

 

 

Y

Young Adult Literature

The literature that is supposedly for young adults. This seems somewhat exclusionary to me. Why do only the young get to read books in this section of the book store? Who made that rule? I think it’s terrible discrimination, which is why you often see me sneaking into the young adult section of the bookstore looking like this:

 

YALSA

 

This stands for the Young Adult Library Services Association. It may sound like a mouthful, and, um… it is. This organization creates THE awards for young adult authors. The much-esteemed Printz Award hails from the YALSA foothills.

I would very much like a much-esteemed Printz Award.

Oh, heck, I’d even like to be a Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers.

But for me, YALSA, is a tough fortress to crack.


Did you know that there are nominating forms for Quick Picks? Did you know that you can't nominate your own book. SO UNFAIR! Not like I've ... um... not like I've tried or anything.

 

Yodeling

What desperate authors will sometimes do to get the attention of YALSA.

Note: It doesn’t usually work, even if you use a pickle.

 


Z

 

Zani

This is one of those characters that always show up and act like a total dork and everyone makes fun of them. It’s also known as a stooge or a stock character especially used in commedia dell’arte. They are zany. Get it?

Zani=Zany

Mike in the Twilight series is a bit of a Zani, hapless human who is dorky but likes the protagonist.

 

 

 

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
edgyauthor
Aug. 8th, 2008 02:16 pm (UTC)
Why can't there be more letters in the alphabet? I love this glossary!

You're making me want to watch Xanadu so I can pick a side...and understand the reference used in a Veronica Mars episode once, haha.

And neither zombies nor unicorns would win in a smackdown, because the Zombie Unicorn would appear and defeat them both. ^^
carriejones
Aug. 8th, 2008 06:27 pm (UTC)
I love you for commenting.

You have to watch, but you have to side with me. I need vendetta helpers.

You're right. The Zombie Unicorn would win.
wldhrsjen3
Aug. 8th, 2008 06:32 pm (UTC)
Er, a yodeling pickle?? 0_o

Also, I think I must write a story about a xebec just so I can stick up posters of Johnny Depp all over my writing desk. Just sayin'. :)
carriejones
Aug. 8th, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
I knew that would occur to you....I'm waiting to hear the xebec story.
(Anonymous)
Aug. 8th, 2008 06:48 pm (UTC)
The Anti-Lit glossary was hilarious, I read it in one sitting after wandering in here from your other blog (I want the book!) via The 5 Randoms via Writer Jenn. Your book looks great and I can't wait to read and review it, even if I don't win it.

Ali (www.worducopia.blogspot.com)
carriejones
Aug. 8th, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Ali. I'm honored that you visited and that you traveled all that way to get here. I love your blog.
lisachellman
Aug. 8th, 2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the chuckles and illumination this week! I've been silent up to this point, but that doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying it! (I think that's true of most people, actually. Reading and enjoying but shy. Or lazy. Or both.)
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:18 am (UTC)
Well, now you're entered to win a free book, so I am proud of you for not being lazy OR shy.

Thanks.
fabulousfrock
Aug. 8th, 2008 08:41 pm (UTC)
Xanada is awesome BECAUSE it's lame!
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:19 am (UTC)
I know! This is my theory. I think the ultimate lameness of it makes it cool but nobody seems to agree with me. Except you.

Yay you!
fabulousfrock
Aug. 9th, 2008 04:10 am (UTC)
And I do know how to spell it. XanaDU. Gah.
sewedel
Aug. 8th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
It's on, Carrie! You failed to admit the truth about Xanadu and it's tongue-drowning-in-drool hawt starlet. ummmmmmmmm...

I had the soundtrack on cassette. I had many ELO cassettes.

This glossary was much fun!
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:19 am (UTC)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hawt. Hawt. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I can't believe you had the soundtrack.

Hee. Hee.
liregran
Aug. 8th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
Hehehehehe...been loving this. ^__^ And yes, I second the notion of more xebecs in books (and thus an increase of Johnny Depp look-alike characters).
*nodnodnodnodnod*
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
I am so glad you liked it.
ex_kmessner
Aug. 8th, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC)
Love this post! (However, I also loved the musical Xanadu...so...)
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
Oh, Kate... what am I going to do with you?
christinenorris
Aug. 9th, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
Yes, Xanadu is horrible. Not as horrible as the movie Santa Claus vs. the Martians, which is only horrible because it's so darn funny. Because it's horrible. :)
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
Is that a real movie? Really? Oh, I have to get that.

You and I think alike, Christine.
christinenorris
Aug. 9th, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
Yes, is certainly IS a real movie, and stars a very young Pia Zadora! My dad has it on videotape. I should replace it with a DVD for him.

Ranks right up there with Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. LOL
carriejones
Aug. 9th, 2008 10:34 am (UTC)
I LOVE Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. We pretty much watched that (and Amazon Woman on the Moon) every weekend in high school, which explains a lot of my issues, I think.
hipwritermama
Aug. 10th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
Xanthippe...love it. Thanks for a great glossary!
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )